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As an abortion doula, I sit with people through every step of their journey – as they make their choice, during the abortion, and afterwards.
Abortion seekers feel their choices and processes in all different ways. Every experience is different. All feelings are different. There is no shame in having feelings that exist in a vast, expansive range. There is no shame in feeling one way about your abortion one day, and feeling completely differently on another.
We cannot predict how we will react in significant moments. Perhaps your abortion is significant to you. Perhaps it isn’t. You might be confused or surprised that you are holding pain when you know that your abortion is what is right for you. This is normal. I am faced with the suffering and pain that confronts some people when deciding to end their pregnancies, and I feel called to work to alleviate their pain. I also feel called to celebrate the joy that comes with this choice. And mostly, I am called to help hold the in-between feelings. The chasm of life that exists between bliss and terror. With you, I feel.
I believe that the people with whom I have worked through their abortion journeys are moral and godly and good. I see the sacred in those whose experiences I have journeyed alongside – people who are parents, who pray and process and go back to parenting when school gets out; young people with relief and laughter carrying them through the day, whose vision of their future has been reclaimed; those with sorrow, who face their sadness and bravely experience it.
Experiencing difficult emotions like sadness, grief, or anxiety does not mean your decision was wrong. It means you are moving through something real, something meaningful. The presence of pain does not undo the clarity or truth of your choice. Your feelings may shift with time, as most do. What feels heavy now may one day feel lighter, clearer, or simply different because this is a journey, not a fixed place. I know this to be true – I’ve walked alongside many throughout this process, and I’ve witnessed how time, care, and support shape healing.
Different religious and spiritual traditions affirm your choice. Abortion is not a rejection of faith but a response to it – a deeply considered act of discernment. For people of faith, making choices about whether or when to have an abortion can be a sacred act — not a departure from their beliefs, but an expression of them. What matters is the care and honesty in listening for what feels faithful and true. That kind of discernment deserves trust, and room to be made freely.
No matter what your experience looks like, you are not alone in it. I hold you in love, in care, in reverence. If you are grieving, I grieve with you. If you are relieved, I honor that with you. If you are still finding words for how you feel, I will sit with you. Your experience is valid, your feelings are whole, and your decision is yours — and that, in and of itself, is sacred.
